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Is there only me?

Is there only me, or there are people out there who think the same as I do: why do I even exist in this world? Not less than 100 times that I asked myself this question, so I think maybe there are other people who also have the same thought. Or maybe there is only me, this useless me, who realize that I, myself, whose existence does not have any value at all.

Why do I even say so? You must think I am crazy. You must think that after saying such words, I should find an easy way to get rid of this boring life. However, you are not me, you do not have any idea what it is like to walk in my shoe. Home is never a home for me. I can only say it is a building where my family members and I live in. It has lost all the qualifications which a home should have. One thing I should be pleased about is that it is just recently that I found out the warmth and the happiness have vanished. At least, I had enjoyed the past 18 years of my life perfectly. Sadly, whatever I do to recover it was in vain. As a daughter, I could not manage my time to take care of all the housework. As a sister, I am not able to chat with my relatives. All the harmonies that once made this building a place to be myself have all gone. As a lover, I cannot give my partner everything that he needed, what's more is that I am not able to control my temper properly. Problems occur from time to time, and those unhappy event were all because of me. I am just a terrible partner who cannot express my feelings well.

It is so childish of me to expect life to be easy. When all those difficulties in life broke my heart, I always wanted to die. But then I thought dying is just a way to escape from those problems. Moreover, it is very irresponsible to my parents who have brought me up and provided me chance to be educated. Another thing I can think of is that there are people who is struggling for getting enough food to get by. Look at me, I am provided food, shelter, education and so much more which means I do not have the right to give up on my life while I got all the things that other people are dying for.

After all, I seek ways to be happy. One of my friends who is always happy said that if you want to be happy, you should waking up and think of happy things every morning and always be optimistic. I have tried both, but it turns out they did not work at all. Maybe happiness is just a luxury for me now.

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